“Hy I am gay”, is the statement that led to the death of many who said it out loud. Growing up gay in this society- a society where Cis-hetero normativity and homo-queer phobia are normalised-would be a traumatic life experience for many queer Individuals. Imagine a human being living in constant threat of being caught as “abnormal/immoral”, humiliated and left alone in society. This is what we queer individuals face on an everyday basis.

As a person grows up and realises that the whole society to which they belong is not ready to accept the way they are, their internal struggle and lack of social support will mostly lead to a solution of escaping from this world. Death! I remember the forced-to-death of my fellow queer individuals, especially Sara Hegazi-the Egyptian queer activist,  who last wrote “to the world, you were so cruel to me, but I forgive” in their suicide note. We die in pain but only after trying our best to live with pride.

“No one is going to hurt anyone when they come out as gay; there might be some other reasons for them to be humiliated and discriminated,” said a cis-heterosexual person who had ‘power’ over me. Nullifying the struggle and discrimination that we face has always been the easiest way for people to give away their responsibility for queer deaths and enforce it on the victim; similar to the rape myth hypothesis. Giving up on responsibility is only one side of the coin, celebrating the failure and deaths of queer individuals is the other painful side – humans who are in the thirst of our death; death of queer individuals!

“Recently on 05/02/2024, a gay person died in Kerala!”- It is a painful reality for many individuals, but at the same time, it is a moment of celebration for many homophobic individuals. The person who died was a gay individual who dared to come out as gay in this society and lived a life with his partner, in pride. It was soon for him to say goodbye to us. After posting the news of his death on social media by his partner and beloved friends, there were many inhumane reactions to it, even wanting the death of queer person who posted it. Has anyone thought about his grieving partner who might read this or about other queer individuals who were observing it? I doubt society’s ethics and values on at least the dignity of a person who died unexpectedly. As the hospital denied the authority to hand over the dead body to his gay partner, he approached to High Court of Kerala pleading for justice. We suffer even after death and it is a matter of celebration to them!

Queer lives may look miserable after observing the reactions of this highly toxic society, however, there is still hope; not in society but within ourselves. As the freedom song echoes, “Aazadhi”, we are getting empowered, liberation is not a far reality. But we suffer and gain it, whereas, for the privileged humans, it is already there. A request that has been always put before the queer-homophobic individuals were to not hurt any queer individuals and to keep aside their urge for our deaths. It was a request so far, but I wonder what It can turn into in future because informed injustice has never provided mercy in history.

Dear queer Individuals, let’s celebrate our existence, hold hands and empower!

Alwin Paul Alias (He/Him)